Twofer

Today you get a twofer, yes, count 'em, two posts for our same low price.

Elizabeth Taylor died earlier this week. Fulsome tributes poured in, lauding her for her ability as an actress, as a sex symbol, and as a humanitarian.

I was never much of a fan. I've seen Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, thought she was very good, but that's really about it.

Forty some odd years ago, the Chad Mitchell Trio did a song about her, though, that I do remember. Here are the lyrics, offered kindly. I think you could call it a satire.

When I think of Elizabeth Taylor,

(And many's the time I do).

I think what that poor kid puts up with,

And it tears my heart in two.

She's out every night at a gay cabaret

Eats breakfast each day from a solid gold tray

I hear that she makes seven thousand a day

What kind of life is that?

What kind of life, what kind of life,

What kind of life is that?

At MGM they silver-spooned her,

I think National Velvet ruined her.

I pay for a house what she pays for a hat,

What kind of life is that?

Poor Liz, poor Liz,

Does she know what it means

To make a pot roast last a week?

To wrap a towel around a pipe

In case it springs a leak?

Does she know what it means

To get down on her hands and knees

To wash her kids' pajamas

And her old man's BVDs?

These simple pleasures don't delight her,

She's too busy with la dolce viter.

But for all of her glamor and her whoop-de-doo

And her house in the best neighborhood,

Would you take that lousy life

If it was offered to you?

You can bet Cleopatra's asp

You would!

Good-bye Liz. Rest in peace.

Today is baseball's opening day. As I write this I'm watching the Yankees and Tigers on television. Tomorrow my Red Sox open, deep in the heart of Texas, favored to win the American League East, the American League pennant, and the World Series. My favorite National League team, the Colorado Rockies, start tomorrow in Denver, facing the Arizona Diamondbacks, known to headline writers as the Snakes.

Baseball seasons proceed at a leisurely pace for a while. It's hard to get excited about wins and losses so early in a 162 game calendar. April games count as much as September games, but for the good teams the first forty or so games are a shakedown cruise. They find out which veterans can still help them and what younger players are ready to contribute.

That leaves some room for the upstarts, the teams that don't really have enough talent to compete through the summer, but might get off to quick starts. Here are two candidates for the annual "flash-in-the-pan" label, one in each league, and for opposite reasons.

The Houston Astros are a team of moderately skilled veterans, who will fade when the weather gets hot, but who can take advantage of the feeling out process the better teams will be going through. Look for them to compete until Memorial Day and then settle to the bottom of the pack.

By contrast, the Kansas City Royals are composed of young players who might be very good within two or three years, but who, all together, aren't ready for prime time. Their weaknesses will be exposed eventually, but they could be tough to handle for those first forty games.

As they say, the cream will rise to the top. Look for the usual cast of characters in the American League come fall, the Red Sox, Yankees, Twins and Rangers. The NL is slightly more volatile, but I'm predicting the Phillies, Braves, Reds and Rockies.

Rox and Sox in the World Series. How could I say anything else?