It's Debate Day!

It's debate day, a quadrennial occasion in America, in which two politicians have at one another in a rhetorical battle to decide which one will be able to take a major cut in personal income and become president of the United States.

Here in Colorado Springs, Democrats are hosting debate parties where I guess they throw popcorn at the television image of Mitt Romney and cheer for President Obama. I'm sure Republicans are doing much the same, except for the person they throw popcorn at and cheer. Probably they buy more expensive popcorn too.

To be sure, electing a president should be serious business, and a person's vote should be cast after sober reflection, not after watching television in anticipation of who can throw out the best "zinger."

Aw, screw that. It's a contest, not unlike "The Price is Right," with cheering crowds, much money thrown into the campaign coffers, and maybe even a 2012 equivalent of "Obamagirl," though she is sadly not in evidence this time around. (However, it would be difficult to imagine a "Romneygirl." For one thing, "I've got a crush on ______" requires a candidate whose last name has three syllables and neither Romney nor Ryan would fit.)

Thinking that the whole debate thing has a kind of sports image, I figured it would be fun to conjure how sports announcers might narrate tonight's festivities.

First, football.

Howard: we're late in the third quarter, Danderoo, and Romney still trails by two touchdowns. He has the ball though, in his own territory.

Don: you know my name  isn't actually Dan, it's Don. I'm really starting to get annoyed about you calling me Dan. But it's a passing down, Howard. Romney's in the shotgun. He has Ryan split wide right. He'll need to get to midfield where North Carolina, Colorado and Florida are to move the chains and keep this drive alive.

Howard: Obama's in the standard pass defense, spreading over the field in a zone, protecting Ohio and Michigan. There's the pass, it's complete gaining Indiana, but short of a first down, and Romney will have to punt.

Don: at least that means he won't have to explain his tax plan in any detail. It's a kick deep into Obama territory and the president calls a fair catch in New York. Now that powerful Obama ground game will be able to take some more time off the clock.

Howard: that means hand-offs to Biden. Joe can be a good broken field runner, but we all know his tendency to fumble.

Don: the daring strategy would be to spread the field and make Romney defend Arizona and Missouri.

Howard: short pass over the middle, complete for a short gain as Obama once more goes to his "tax the rich," offense. That's especially effective in Ohio and Wisconsin. Romney will have to defend that better if he wants to get back in the game.

And so on. If that doesn't seem valid, how about a NASCAR announcer.

(I don't actually  know the name of any NASCAR announcer): we're at lap 150 of this 200 lap race, and Obama in the number 12 car continues to lead. Romney trails, but he has already made a pit stop on lap 47 that cost him considerable time. It remains to be seen if the Obama car can finish the race without a stop. Obama's pit crew from Chicago and Hollywood stands ready to gas up the Obama car.

Possibly the problem is that the Romney car only burns premium  Koch brothers gas and is dependent on Adelson oil that has to be brought all the way from Las Vegas.

Romney's making a move now. He's jettisoned the upper midwest and is steering straight south, hoping to make up ground along the long stretch between Virginia and Utah.

Oh! Obama's car is in trouble! He veered to the left side of the track, nearly hit the restraining wall, and now he's steering back toward the center as fast as he can. That might have cost him New Hampshire, though. We'll see if the Romney car can take advantage of it. He's shifting into "zinger," his afterburner.

He'll go through his own fuel supply real fast now though. He might have to stop in Texas for more.

If NASCAR is a little lowbrow for you, how about a chess analogy.

Announcer (speaking softly): Romney is down a pawn and a bishop as we move into what is clearly the endgame, but he does have a passed pawn, and if he can get it to the end of the board he should be in good shape. Obama seized the initiative almost from the start of the match. His "99" defense has proven effective against the Romney attack, especially after Romney's very questionable 47th move in Florida.

Bishop to king's knight five, putting pressure on Pennsylvania. A daring move, but we'll see if Obama can counter. He's contemplating the board. He can bring his own Queen Michelle into play to protect the mid-west, or gamble that he can force Romney away by making a play for Iowa and even South Dakota.

He's bringing out his weak side rook. It could be a gambit to make Romney use his resources in defending Georgia, but I think he's seriously after Montana, which  might be vulnerable. Obama's advantage in resource pieces allows him to attack simultaneously on both Romney flanks.

Romney has had a grip on the center of the board front the opening moves. The Arkansas, Oklahoma, Kansas squares have all been his, but Obama is making some progress in Missouri.

For many years conservative players insisted that control of the center of the board was of crucial importance, but recent theory emphasizes the sides where California, Florida and New York are.

Well, that's it for today's musings. Enjoy the debates and may the better, more thoughtful candidate become evident to us all.